STANDING ALONE

You know, I look back on my life, and I wonder, If I hadn't experienced all that I have, what kind of person would I be?

There are those people that have had a "smooth" kind of life. Mom, Dad, boxed lunch, with an apple, of course, snacks after school, cartoons before dinner, meat, veggie and starch, small dessert, after homework, bath, jammies, and a great night story before bed.

WOW!

In these moments, I say, "How can ANYONE judge another? No one knows any ones story, do they?

I don't know too many people that know about the digs of my childhood, maybe a few, and even then, I'm not sure!

It does all make sense, who we become, from WHERE we have come from.

Maybe I wouldn't trade a boxed lunch, now, for standing in the reduced lunch line. Who knows? Maybe that is why I appreciate food so much. I will never take food for granted! Nor, will you ever go hungry at my house!

Kids who had an apple with their bologna and cheese, and some other snack, were good to go. How can it get any better?

I'm not saying I never had that, but that kind of thing was a luxury.

Kids today, have no idea how good they have it. ( I just sounded old, hahah, caught it) Too funny!

I can recall all incidents from when I was a child, reflect, and say, "WOA!"

Without going into detail, it reminds you of your story line, how life has gone so far, and you wonder why we all have our separate story lines.

Why does Sally, ( I think I like the name Sally, she shows up time and time again), skate through life, untainted, and then heads to college all boxed up pretty with a bow, and then graduates with honors, and leads a ............ whatever kind of life........... it starts out sounding boring to me, and kind of still does, but why is her life sheltered somehow? Why is Sally devoid of certain things?

Does someone out there look down and go, "Well, that Sally, she's a fine girl, let her skate on by and she'll be OK.

And then look down on a few million others and go,"Well, that so and so, why not take this away, or that away, or throw a huge tar pit in the road, with tons of rocks, and say, "Well, I am sure they will figure it out"!

Why is that? Oh, I can come up with some spiritual answers, some logical ones, but, really........does any one of us really have an answer?

They needed that for their karma, they needed that to become more strong, to be more brave, to learn tenacity...........what? What really is it?

I am not looking for anyone to email back and say, "This is what I think it is?"

I genuinely ask these questions to probe and challenge some god out there to meet me somewhere and have an intimate chat.

I'll bring the crackers and cheese, just show up........someone show the hell up so I can have a decent conversation with some depth........I'm dying over here!!!!

Ya know, you go to work, stay there for 8 hours, joke a bit, entertain people, but mostly yourself, and hop in the car, only to find yourself unveiling, to get back to your depth.

Not that there isn't a depth that happens in the workplace. I love my customers to death, but there is a difference from being with people for a short span, handing over a coffee or two, than hanging with your being for a few hours and uncovering mysteries that blow you out of the water.

I love that!

I need that.!

It is just me. Not for everyone, I guarantee.

I feel as if I stand alone in that reality, because it is an awesome journey to trek on. The rewards are mind blowing, so why not be an addict?

Much healthier, no?

Give me an afternoon with quiet. I'd say line up the next morning to witness the purest state of being, and a glow that will knock your socks off.

Give me a weekend, I might charge you!!

Standing alone in your objectivity, your scope of life, to me, is an intelligent way to view humanness, the raw state that is available to all of us, yet, so few dare to partake.

That humanness is what sheds light on a more compassionate way of living. To take that time, is taking time to understand others, the larger picture of our human race. If we start with ourselves, the race is half over.

If I have compassion for myself, why wouldn't I have it for the man next door, or the person that just took me to the mat?

It is all one big work of progress. I certainly try to adhere to my own beliefs, but like anyone, it is a work of art to ace compassion, to ace forgiveness, and to ace the letting go process, to let things be as they are, and to accept all challenges with an open heart, and take responsibility for why they are there, without any blame on anyone else.

Gulp! Did I say all that?

It is true. I say gulp, because it is a responsible choice. Not an easy one. I'd rather wring it all out in the wash than sweep it under the carpet. Get a few greys, than become a professional house cleaner.

Stand alone, even if it is in private moments. Realize you are alone, in your personal quest, not alone in life, but if you want to check out your individual canvas, and what it takes to achieve your perfect picture, there are roads to take, and detours, and ghouls and goblins.

GO FOR THE GHOULS AND GOBLINS IF THEY SHOW UP. You might have to color your hair twice a month, rather than once, but at least the box is only 8 bucks or so. Unless you like Loreal', you might trade a ghoul for the extra bucks............ahhh, go for it........what's a cupola bucks?

Life is funny. It really is.

We'll look back on all of this and say, " What the hell was I thinking?"

We will, I promise.

I hope someone is standing by my bedside, when I am older than old, reminding me of my 20"s and 30's and 40's........... telling me the story line, that I took so damn seriously, and all that will be on my mind is cleaning my frigin dentures.

Isn't that how it really is though?

I'm going to bed laughing at myself.

This is good! This is a good sign.

Ciao!

I love you guys........I really do!