SURRENDER

I know that word has many different meanings to many different people. Some people think it is a "giving up", as if you don't care anymore. Some people think you are weak, and don't want to fight anymore........and then there are some, who think that if you Surrender, whatever it is that you want to surrender, like, trying to make something happen, when, maybe it just isn't time yet, and you need to be aware of just when it is the exact moment that feels right, and you go by your intuition, and move in that............ there is no right, wrong, or perfect answer. It is what you believe for yourself, and actually, what works for you.

For me, Surrender is a beautiful word. Actually, I named one of my dogs Surrender, and to let you in on little "secret", I will give you the perfect example of what I am talking about.

For a period of time, I kept thinking about having a baby. I absolutely LOVE kids, and I never thought about having kids, until much later on in life, and for my own personal reasons, I had decided that it probably wouldn't happen for me, and for the most part, I was OK with that, but there were aspects of me that wasn't OK with that. It's not like I got up one day and said, "I don't want to have kids," but realistically speaking, I had, for the most part, decided, no kids this time around. It made me very sad, in a way. Because I think of being pregnant, and the experience of being a mother, which comes so natural to me, and think how incredibly beautiful that would be. To make a blanket statement that I will never have children is huge! I am at a certain age, where if that decision isn't made, it WILL be a blanket statement, but not out of a choice, it WILL BE out of a necessity, for physical and medical reasons.

Anyway, I had been having dreams and fantasies about having a baby, and it was bothering me that nothing in my life supported that desire. Not money, not someone who would be, in my opinion, adequate or perfect enough to fill the shoes of my expectations of what a partner/parent should be, in my life, or the child's.

So........... after months and months of going through that thought process, I woke up one morning, and a friend and I went to Starbucks to get coffee, and in the parking lot we go. I had followed her, and there in the parking lot was a big sign, Puppies............. well, if anyone knows me, they know, I should run for my life, because ALL of those animals will be mine......... if I had my way.

I stuck my arm out the window and pointed to the sign, and she waved her finger as if she was saying NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, and I pointed as if I was saying, "meet me over there". So, of course, we headed over there.

There was a pick up truck there with a litter of puppies, and I went right over and picked my puppy.............OH MY GOD............. I WAS SO IN LOVE! I had already picked my puppy, and my friend was saying, "NOOOOOOO GABRIELA...........and my heart was already set on it. I told them to hold her, and that I would be back later to pick her up and to meet her parents.

(her parents.haha how cute).

We went to get coffee and my friend thought I was insane, but, to me, it was written in stone. I WANTED A BABY! And that was the "cure", for that moment in time, better that, than going and getting pregnant, (which never was never something I saw for me). Well, it was an option, but not one that I was willing to be responsible for, especially out of a selfishness. Sounds great to have a baby, but hay, let's think about that huh? I've always been smart and aware in that arena. Not, ooh, a baby, and oh, oops I'm pregnant, and.....wonder how I'll feed this child. No...... just, plain ol' NO!

We went to retrieve the puppy, and it was almost a given what the name of this dog would be.
SURRENDER.

I surrendered the fact that it just isn't or wasn't time for Gabriela to have a baby, and I surrendered that fact. It was HUGE for me. To weigh out the circumstances, and to consciously decide that children probably aren't an option for me, and to "settle for a pup", or be able to love something else in place of............. SURRENDER TO SOMETHING THAT JUST IS............ ACCEPT THE FACTS...............AND MOVE ON..............make decisions based on the reality of your situation.

That is where I am at now. Surrendering, based on things I cannot change, or alter, but laying the facts out on the table, and deciding where to go from here. It is a huge deal, to maybe not like the circumstances, but move ahead anyway, and adjust, and make the best of it all. There is, I think, always a remedy for all things. It doesn't mean it will feel good, or seem fair, but there is an answer, even if we cannot see it.

It may be sad, or a million other words that would describe what you think your situation evokes, but all in all............ it is life.............happening...........and you move with it, or continue to feel paralyzed by what life is offering, and the choices you need to make, based on those realities.

Be OK with both. I KNOW THAT IS HARD, I tell you that from my heart, and from my experience. Try to embrace all that is not in your favor, or not how you would have it. I truly believe that in the bigger scheme of things, someone, or something out there is looking out for our highest good. That, will always remain in the mailbox marked TRUST! And, guys, I stare at that mailbox everyday, trying to see those etched words........on the side of the mailbox.

That is a choice you can make for yourself. You decide how you will feel, no one else. That is a big undertaking, to be responsible, especially if you are not feeling so great about your personal dialogue.

Get good with yourself, in whatever way you can, to decide if your life feels good to you, the decisions that you are making, and how you are paving your way, on your journey.

We are not perfect, no one, ever, is.......and if they profess to be, they are only fooling themselves.

Embrace your humanness.............

Don't forget to hold hands with those you love.............. embrace them for who they are, in all of their treks, all of their stops along the way to the "Land of OZ."

God knows, we are all trying to get to a place of good. I truly think everybody has their rendition of what "good" is, and in our own right, we set out for that journey with all good intentions.

What happens along the way is for us to learn, to grow, and to help each other remember who we are, what we love, and for us to stay true to our own individual selves.

At least that is MY REALITY.

If you want to join me, I will be here. I will support you in all that you want and love.

Grab hands guys..............grab every ones hand..............WE NEED IT!!

OK, I don't know about you, and I won't talk about YOU, but I DO.

I want your hand. No one............NO ONE IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER.

I love you all so very much.

Goodnight,
Gabriela