SOME PEOPLE WON'T GET IT..........

on days like today.

This morning when I woke up, I started to just hang out in bed, rest a bit, awake, checking things out, actually breathing, without having to rush or get up, and then, my days agenda started creeping in, and I thought, YEA, COOL, I'm making a huge pot of sauce, with sausage, meatballs, some pork, (because that does make the sauce), and lasagna, and probably, since that is all going, I might as well make some Baked Rigatoni, since all of the ingredients are here, and I have a huge gargantuan block of fresh Mozzarella, and all else to finish off the dish, what the hey..........I'm there!

I am practicing, once again, not rushing into the day, so I did some things around the house, and it was so ritualistic, I love it! I really do love my space, to myself, to do whatever I want, and have space to think, to do, and go, as I wish.

It's been so long, I crave it, and can't seem to get enough of it.

Anyway, I cuddled with the dogs, took all of them out for walks since the weather is getting nicer, and totally cherished the day, the nature, and my 2 and a half hour walks, that seemed like 5 minutes.

God, no phones, no anything, just sheer pleasure in being outside, in nature, walking the dogs near the goats, the donkey's and horses............it is so amazingly sweet, so innocent, so............ unexplainable........... the interactions, the amount of intuitiveness, the clarity that comes with observing animals in their natural environment.

It kills me to keep them on leashes!

We wound up walking down a side road, with just trees and flowers, surprised not dead from the extreme heat, and like a post card, the light came forth so bright, onto the branches, and then out of nowhere, came a deer. Tippie, my baby, stood so tall, his tail so erect, and didn't utter a sound, which is so unusual. He stopped in place, but was excited, and I stopped, in complete awe, ad I always do, when I see something that amazing, and innocent. We both stopped in our tracks.

For millions of reasons, tears came down my face. It's always a moment in time that will never run dry.

You stand there with something as magnificent as that...........and you wonder so many things! Why this and why that, and how come we aren't a part of that existence, every day? Every moment?

It brings to me, the epitome of innocence, the epitome of realness, the naturalness of how we all need to be.

The moments standing there are so juiced up with a high that can only be given through some intravenous love potion that we cannot put words to.

I am experiencing that in so many different ways, at different times, with different situations, and am wondering, why the heck am I compromising?

That is a huge subject that needs to be uncovered.

Nonetheless, I took all of the dogs for walks, had an amazing morning, and headed out to the store to buy my goodies for my Italian feast.

I came home and started very early, with all fresh ingredients, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, what a turn on, to have all incredibly fresh ingredients, for your homemade dinner.

Like I said, "some people won't get it". Not just the food thing, but the whole experience with cooking, and how intoxicating it is, and how beautiful, so innate, so traditional, so weaved into culture, history, and family.

It is orgasmic, on a very high level, and then, to be able to share that with someone, or lots of people is really, just crazy icing on the cake, not even icing, that is small talk, but to make food, that you are so in love with, making it with so much love, and geez, What the hell am I going to do with all of this food?

It is ritual, it is tradition, history, again............

I am never at a loss for people who want this food. I actually was cooking for someone who has done me mucho favors, and it is my way of saying Thank you, and when I started thinking about it, I thought, hay, at this point and time, I better go find much pans for mucho people, who are amazing to me, who have been there for me, and who have been my rock, throughout these last months.

I know I don't always have to give, because someone gave to me, but every once in awhile, it is my utmost pleasure, to give in a way, that I can. Some give gift cards, some give this or that.

I completely disappear into cooking, and it becomes such an experience that if you are a recipient, than you will sure get my heart, on a plate.

It is core stuff. My heart and love are there, with gratitude and appreciation.

To some, this may sound so corny, so over the top, but when you are passionate about something, and it resonates from your soul, it feels like something to you, and it does to me.

My family gets it. Anything I am saying, they will go, "Well, YEA???" Well, yea, to US, but to anyone else it is just........ ahh, you don't need to do that. C'mon! One, we are Italian, leave it at that, and two, we are Italian, leave it at that too! hahahah And three...........don't ask anymore questions, just take the frigin food and run, end of story!

So, the day was intoxicating, cooking listening to great music, and doing my normal everyday things that need to be done, but in such a state of question, such mystery, such introspection, but light, very light, and god, I think I just cherish aloneness, and what it brings. No matter the feeling, it gets down to the bones of what is really happening on a real level, good enough for you to sort through and get to good on where you are at, and how you will move from that spot to the next exciting spot that you have your eye set on.

I am in love with life! Even in all of it's craziness, it's upsets, and fearful moments. Although, at times it may seem daunting, it really is exquisite, given some objectivity, and some love from a core place.

Today was that. It was all stirred up, but rested in a good place, knowing that all is well.

So long as I stay in a solid form of gratitude, I will be good. In any other place, just keeps me thinking and whirling on that god forsaken "rat on a wheel" syndrome. God, please don't let me succumb to the rat on the wheel.

Stay innocent, stay in whatever realm seems real, conducive, and mostly............you!!

From there, you will love, with the most expanded heart, the most gratitude, and know matter what, you will learn what you need to learn, in whatever fashion..........you'll still be heading toward a most fascinating light that will shine, and show you who you are, in every facet, and you will gleam with the knowing that you did all that you wanted, when you wanted, because you loved, and loved fully, even if it was cooking a plate of pasta. You were full, in it!!!

BE FULL IN ALL THAT YOU DO, AND SHARE LOVE WITH A HEART THAT CAN NEVER BREAK!

Go..................go now, and share that amazing heart in whatever way you know...............

It's a given................. we are together, even if we don't see it..............feel it............share it............and run with it........................ so something with it!!!!

It start here, then, world wide.....................my dreams aren't small guys..................

They will never be small!!

Goodnight, and know that I love you!

~

I AM SIMPLE, REALLY.........

I look at what is available to me, what IS, in my life, and how it all gets perceived, and no one would ever believe how I would feel, in.........all ........of it!!

Many people go for the "opportunity", and seize the moments that are bestowed upon them.

Me? I'm funny! I look at everything that is presented to me, and sit back and go..........hmmmm!!!

Nothing is EVER as it seems. It gets tricky too.

And that is my point about this one blog. I AM SIMPLE........REALLY............I AM!

I like simple things, nothing complicated, nothing crazy.......... just fun, nothing completely boring, or nothing completely over the edge either............(I think)............. no, really...........

I like major adventure, and will partake in anything that is new, exciting, and fun!! Why not?
That stuff is soooooooooooo fun to me.

Let's spontaneously go white water rafting, when, probably you have never gone white water rafting.......or, lets go running in the pouring down rain..........who cares if we get muddy, or wet, or you can see through our clothes.............WHO CARES? Not me!

That is fun. Who needs an umbrella? Let's get wet man!!

I WILL SPLASH YOU!!

I wanna have fun, laugh, and giggle at stupid things, and tickle you, and wrap you up in a blanket, and make silly noises........... be goofy, and let you know, I love you to death.

Simple stuff! Innocent stuff!

That is what I love!

There is a very innocent existence, and it is not visited by many. Too many things are happening in the world. From technology, to hobbies, to our work, to our kids, or animals, and the last thing on earth, is the things that we love, or that we are truly passionate about.

I can't do that. Even in my worst moments, I have to squeeze something in that equates REAL, AND TRUE, amongst the norm or general way of being.

And, it generally is something so simple, so pure, and doesn't take much to achieve, maybe going outside, and opening your eyes. Staying awake for the sunset, or breathing a bit deeper than you did last night............... being a bit more brave than what you thought you could yesterday.

Those are the goods for me.

I could care less how much you make for a living, or what your name brand is on your pants, (just spare me some polyester), really, just come on a grand ride with me, and we will have fun, undoubtedly!! I will promise you that! We'll have a blast!!

I'm not trying to sell myself, cuz I could see where that would be misunderstood. No, I am just trying to tell you, life is way too simple to complicate it.

Trust me, there are plenty of people that will complicate it for you, so you might as well make it simple, and make the equation easy enough to do it in pen.

No erasing here!

How can you be more simple in your life?

Uncomplicate matters, and get back to a simple existence?

There are formulas. mine, yours, and theirs!

Pick one.

We need to be reminded of how we truly ARE SIMPLE!

I could go on and on and on.

Let's just make this simple.

Think of 5 things that make you happy.

Do them. Above and beyond anything.

Do them NOW! DON'T WAIT!

Start there.

Tell me how it goes.

Reinvent yourself, with new ideas, and go beyond what your mind says you can do.

YOU ARE WAY MORE THAN WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF YOU ARE.

GIVE KUDOS WHERE KUDOS BELONG!

I love you,
You amazing reminders you,
gr

DON'T BE SWAYED BY EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES

It is so hard, I know, to NOT be swayed by what is happening on the outside.

I'm sure every one of us could name off 1 through 20, different things, that grab a hold of us, situations that seem too crazy, unmanageable, too stressful, and really........just something that we don't feel like dealing with.

In those cases, I am sure of it, too, that we just want to rush right home, and do what is comfortable, relaxing, and anything, anything, to get our minds off of what we were taken away from our center for.

We all have our cocoons. Some, it is bed, some TV, the computer, some gadget, or some, it is in just plain ol' "doing," some happy hour, some just staying busy to avoid the "circumstance".

We all have our own coping strategies, and hay, no judgement there...........who wouldn't?

But, I am finding that our coping strategies really aren't so bad after all, that even if we think they are screwed up, they have certainly served a purpose.

I think life is a series of chapters, for sure.

Like writing, it is moment to moment. You never know what is going to be the next great line, or the next thought, but staying in the moment, you discover what works, for that moment, and you just go with it. If you wanna flip the channels and zone out, go right ahead. That is where you are, and if something needs to change, inevitably, it will reveal itself to you, and you will either choose to change, or.........not! But don't judge where you are by any means. Be open to changing, if need be!

Hopefully along the way, you find out what DOES work, and you stick with that.

It is one big fat learning process, that only you can determine if it works for you.

There are so many things that can take our focus, our determination, our drive, into a completely different mode. Anything external can take our focus off center.

It doesn't have to be a negative.

It could be falling in love, it could be a new hobby, anything, that will take your attention away from being true to what it is that you really want. There are a million different variables.

You have to name yours. This is a good one to sit down with. Pencil and paper, or napkin, depending on where you are, or any old thing that will enable you to express just where it is that you are.

A small tangent, not long, I promise.

It reminds me of when I lived in New Mexico, and I spent a bunch of time alone, writing, as usual, and I always carried a backpack around with me. Always had journals, amongst journals, plenty of pens, cuz you knew you would be writing all of the time, and if, by chance you didn't have your backpack, you always wrote on whatever was in sight.
Do you know how many poems I have written on napkins? Toilet paper? Match book covers? Paper bags? movie tickets? Water bottles?

Don't laugh!

When you are that passionate about something, you will do whatever, to get it out, to spill all, and to feel so satiated when it comes time to make the exclamation point, or to finally put a period at the end of a well thought out statement.

In that, there is an ecstasy!

I find that in expressing yourself, it makes way for more clarity, no matter what it sounds like.

What will keep your center?

How do you avoid not being pulled into external circumstances when, maybe you feel like you are?

What helps you stay clear?

For me, it may be writing.

What is it for you?

There are a ton of ways to cope with outside circumstances that maybe the next person wouldn't do, but you would, because it cuts to the chase.

I'm finding up to date ways to NOT BE SWAYED, and it is cool!

I want tons of choices, not just writing, but healthy strategies to keep me in alignment with who I am, and what I am about, and not caving into being swayed by this or that.

I tell you, it seems to me that we better have some vein of creativity, otherwise, we are at a total loss for doing things that we, ourselves, only know to work for us, not what some cockamamie book told us to do, or what we see on AOL's top 10 list is, for WHAT WE SHOULD DO IF............'S...............

Don't second guess yourself. You know yourself better than anyone, so don't be so free to go and ask everyone about you, and your life.

Take a moment, check yourself out, and see what it is that you need to do for you, and do not be swayed..................by anything, other than what you know to be true, inside.

OK, that is enough on that.

I don't want to sound preachy. Maybe I do, but that is not my intention.

I'm just going to school myself.

Y'all are truly my classmates.

Let's do this thing.............make it work.............for all of us.............

Then, we can meet at the pencil sharpener.

G'nite.............. I know, I'm silly, and I love it!

~

LOVE AND COMPASSION FOR THE PAST

I don't know about you, but in my life, it is kind of a MUST, that , (even if I don't want to), I almost HAVE TO revisit parts of my childhood, in order to get to a parallel place, in present day, to make sense of where I am, what I am calling in, if it is good, or not good, and if there is some healing that needs to happen.

That sentence, is so broad, so filled with many years of information, and emotion, that, in reading the line, I want to say, "Don't make it so simple", but, in essence, I think the formula, to a lot of our situations, are, in fact, simple, but because our past, our emotions, are heavily attached, and maybe we don't have the objectivity to discriminate between what is in the here and now, as opposed to, what WAS, than, to me, therein lies, a bit of homework to do.

I am not saying that everyone, even a SMALL percentage of people would want to entertain these notions, or thoughts, but many do. I do, and sometimes, honestly, I don't. I just want to go have some good Mexican food and call it a night, but, for me, and my make-up, this stuff haunts me until I find a resolve.

That is just me. I've been this way since I was a kid. I want answers, and if you can't give them to me, I WILL FIND THEM.............NO IF ANDS OR BUTTS. No question, actually. It will be a given that I come to a resolve, or a solution to a problem.

Maybe I'm in the wrong field of work, who knows?

Everything is about correlating.

If you give yourself permission to ask great questions, to yourself, and not feel silly, funny, or stupid, you will see, that there is great satisfaction in asking yourself, what the hell you are doing, at any point in your evolution.

Why are you where you are? Why are you attracting that person, or that situation? Why? Really, ask yourself?

Is it good? Does it work for you? If not, WHY, THEN, ARE YOU STAYING IN IT ?

Is there the ability to see any patterns from your past that may corelate to the present?
Can it possibly be a good tool to help you mend some mistakes, learn from the past, and be able to change the present?

After all, don't we all want to grow, to change, and be on top of our game, to be able to do things differently, to change up the stuff that, really, just didn't work for us back then?

I can name a million different instances that didn't work for me, and still, quite honestly, is still a work in progress. I gather it always will be, and that is something I have to grasp a bit more, so that when things come up, I don't act so surprised.

As one of the last few words my mom said to me before she died....... she knew I was witnessing, and hurting, watching her dying, she looked at me and said, "This is part of life honey".

There are things that will come up that will be incredibly difficult to deal with, and we will have to pull on all of our resources to stay strong, no matter what it brings up for us.

I know that seems like an easy statement, easier said than done, but trust me when I tell you, there is a well. A well of whatever you want to deem it......... of good, of god, of grace, or good will, or faith, of trust.............all of the above...............

YOU MUST DRAW ON THAT! Whatever it takes to draw on that, you must do, and even if you feel like you can't, just ask for guidance, and you will be lifted. At least I know you will be given some insight on resources to draw upon, to help you through whatever it is that you need help with.

Everyone has their own way of getting through life's situations.

Once you get goin' on a good trail, and maybe you are working with someone that will help you through, you will begin to see how the past is just as important as what the present is, for you now.

Take a tiny peek. Just baby steps. What may have happened in your past that may correlate to where you are now, or what you may want to change now?? Check out certain patterns that keep reoccurring, and you wonder, why in the heck that thing keeps popping up for us??

Take a few moments to yourself to ask ,"Why?" Instead of why me? How can we all look at the situations that are here, as things that we actually have called in, so to speak, things that we obviously want to look at, otherwise it wouldn't be there, and be cool about it, be responsible, and go........alright............ here this is............ let me buckle up for what I need to do to change up this pattern.

I don't want to lose you.

All I'm sayin' is............... maybe we can see the correlation from the past, as to what we are bringing to the present.

I happen to think it helps, and when I really stop, listen to myself, or others objective opinions, I see how smart it is to stop for a bit, even if you think there is no time, stop, to look at your life, and take a stance, to make it exactly how you want it, instead of, what has been "HANDED TO YOU".

I know for me, I want to start dealing my own deck, and also, playing the cards, smart.

I would like to win, but so long as I play smart, I'll be on the right track, and intrinsically, I'll "win", whether I get a prize or not.

I don't need a prize, just affirmation that I, in fact, did acknowledge all avenues, did the best I could, and stood tall in my efforts.

Man, I love this life, and the opportunities that we are given.

We truly are lucky to have the ability to CHOOSE, to be, and to create our own individual selves.

Don't take that gift for granted.

If you look around, throughout the world, we are one hellava gifted and spoiled nation.

Stay humble, and do your homework.

I am right there, on the same page with you.

God, so much love, I cannot stand it.

I love you,

Gabriela

DON'T BE STRIPPED OF YOUR INNOCENCE!

God, if you know that some act of kindness, or some act of love, is genuine, try not to apologize, although we really are never sure how someone will take "genuine acts of kindness or love", so it gets tricky.

I remember being in a grocery store, and this woman looked overwhelmed and had so many groceries, so naturally, I went over to her and said, "Ma'am, would you like some help, you look a little overloaded there?" She said, "yes, OK", but really, she was afraid of why I asked, or something...........who knows, it coulda been my tattoo? Don't laugh, it happens!

I bagged her groceries, put them in the cart and walked her out to her vehicle.

I could tell the whole time she was wondering what I would want, or ask of her, or something........ all I knew is that she was thinking something. It was OK. I am used to it, as I know how the crazy mind works, and she was scared. After all, who does things for nothing?

I DO!! I DO!! And I will always do that! It actually is such a joy, a highlight, for me. Yes, it does something for the other person, but also, it does something for me. It catapults me into an incredible state of awareness that in GIVING............ WE RECEIVE ALL!! True, true statement.

You give, freely, and you will gain, instantly, the glory of God, the beauty of free flowing love. I don't mean to sound so 60ish, but hay, when the shoe fits, wear it, I guess, right?

I never want to be cut off from giving. It is the blessing of all blessings in my life! I don't want to hear about how if we give we need validation............ BY GOD, WE ALL SEEK VALIDATION, in some way, so who cares if it is by giving a brownie, or a frigin piece of cake, or a plate of pasta. THERE COULD BE WORSE VISES. OK, send me to O.G.A. ! OVER GIVERS ANONYMOUS! Life could truly be worse!! I get the validation thing, and I keep myself in check, on my inventory list anyway, which will be different than yours, but nevertheless, I'm not stupid!!

Don't be stripped of your innocence!! Give freely, from your heart, and whosoever cannot accept, than they miss out on the goods. Not a good or a bad feeling, just factual! There is no right or wrong in this.

I know, I don't want to be stripped of my innocence, so I keep to my own good will, what I want to do, because I want to, not because I have to, but because truly, I WANT TO!

Life is funny. We go along, doing our own thing, thinking it is "good", and then we see that we are in a league of our own.

Whatever that may be, STAY THERE! Don't move out of an obligation that it must be like Sallies, next door to you.

Stay grounded in your own reality of what is REAL TO YOU, and make a move.

BE THE MOVEMENT! YOU ARE.........THE MOVEMENT!

MAKE A STATEMENT, AND TREAD ON YOUR OWN PAVEMENT.

PAVE THE WAY.

Don't be stripped of your innocence!

Find it, expound on it, and spread the word.

I am speechless, in all of my words tonight.

I, literally, have no more to say. I am so high, on what this all means to me.

Goodnight, and please, see what you want...... and sleep on it...........see it, and make it happen.

You deserve it!!

And..........so do I!!

I love you so much!

Gabriela

GOING THE EXTRA MILE.....

I used to think that I went the extra mile, for what I believed in, stood up for things that I was passionate about, spoke up, stood out, and did everything I could to allow a voice to be heard, knowing, that I would just never speak up just for the sake of someone hearing what I had to say. I would leave that for my salon appointments and call it a day.

Anyway, as I "run on the treadmill of my life", I see how, there was a huge passion to say, and do, and be active, but also a fear, of some sorts. I'm not quite sure what that fear is, I'll leave that for my therapist, but the point is, at this point in my life, I am following through, with every thing that I have wanted to stand up to, or for, whether it is for me, or for some other "underdog", that is getting an unwanted lashing.

In my life, I am standing up for things that I have been passionate about my whole entire life, but inside, that voice, was suffocated. It wasn't "allowed" to surface, for outward reasons, and subconsciously, for inward reasons.

But now, the beauty in my life is, that certain people and instances are bringing forth the support or allowance, to voice these things, to let it be heard, or, to just follow through on things that don't actually feel natural to me, but to follow through with what I think is in alignment with who I am and what I actually believe in. What an awesome feeling, to take control of your life!!! Wow!!

Sometimes life doesn't support that so easily. Whether it be the Laws of Texas, or just the narrowness of the mind that doesn't want to expand, for whatever reason.

Nonetheless, staying true to myself, in such huge ways, even if it is outside of my comfort zone, is allowing me to morph into something I don't quite have a name for just yet, but feels incredibly rewarding.

I think it is a big stare in the mirror, to actually acknowledge, head on, that we respect ourselves enough, to do whatever it takes to stand up for what we believe in, to do whatever it takes to stand that ground, even if it is uncomfortable, or makes your life inconvenienced in many ways. I mean, hay, "Who needs a car in today's progressive lifestyle anyway? I'm pretty sure it is not the 60's and we can just stick a thumb out, and away to work we go?!

When you really look at it, from the helicopter, you start goin", "Man, what has taken me so long?"

It's really not a judgement, just a huge, WOW, It's taken me this long to see how important I REALLY AM!!

Shoot, we do it for lovers, for friends, for our jobs............WE STAND UP, STAND PROUD AND TALL FOR ALL ELSE, but when it comes to US? We take a back seat.

NO MORE BACK SEATS FOR US!! I TELL YOU THAT WITH MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT. I TELL ME THAT, WITH MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!

Do to yourself, what you would do for others.

If I gave myself the amount of love, attention, and respect, as I do for others, I would be sittin' pretty, with not an insecurity to be had.

I bet if you took a quick scan on your life, in that way, you would see that, probably, you too, give out way more, than what you give to yourself.

I think it is a learned, robotic thing, and we are so used to it, that, we just go along with our own program, and become so used to our own ways, that if someone doesn't point it out, we will stay stuck in a comfort zone that doesn't allow us to expand, or grow.

Such is why, I think, situations occur, life experiences happen, and we either GROW UP in it, or GROW OUT of it, and be honest that it just isn't something we are willing to look at for now.

THAT ACTUALLY WOULD BE OK, just be honest about it.

I always want to go the extra mile, even if it feels uncomfortable. I may kick and scream, and maybe not "run towards the light, like Carolanne, but I will find my way, in my own time, to digest, in the way that I need to, and at my own pace. Crawl, or, run, towards the Truth and what is appropriate for me and what is in alignment.

It has to feel, genuinely good, not just something I am doing because it 'SEEMS GOOD", OR SEEMS "RIGHT".

Otherwise, I would have been a good student in History class, and not put my head down when we were having tests, thinking that "I will never use this information", and so I took a nap. Naturally, why should I have to take a test that is of no interest, probably never use the information, unless I do a thesis on good ol' George Washington, and even then, it would run for as long as the thesis took me, and then what? I won't be teaching about how George and his Posse' crossed the Deleware. I get it, they were cool cats back then, but not what I want to base MY FUTURE ON.

Go with your intuition. What feels good? What feels right and congruent with your soul?

RUN THAT EXTRA MILE TO SPEAK OUT FOR YOU, OR OTHERS!

Run the extra mile because you are a crusader, a pioneer, or just someone that has a voice, that CAN BE HEARD........and maybe you will allow others to be inspired by your bold decisions.

I know from experience that when someone witnesses a bold, natural, courageous step, they immediately are inspired, and it sparks something in them to want to do the same.

Shoot, if I knew that, ONLY THAT, not even anything for me? I'd be making courageous steps all the time.

Such is the beauty of this "blog". I'll have to come up with a different name. This blog has brought me so much joy and satisfaction, that I would have never, ever, imagined!

In being true to myself, others are affected. It is not my goal. My goal is to share my own, genuine self, however that appears, and, I now, very innocently, do not care what you think of me, because it is my vortex, my blog, about how I am and how I perceive, and then, too, I get to hear you, look at your responses, and respect any and all of it, because, I know, YOU CAN! IT'S YOUR LIFE, JUST AS MUCH AS IT IS MINE.

In stayin' true to myself, going the EXTRA MILE, I have transformed many ideas about you, about life, and, about myself.

It is a continuous ride to Humbleville!! I now have a P.O box there.

Go ahead, get one...........it's a cool spot to hang out in.

Take up residency............ go the extra mile............and stay awhile!!

All over it.............even with the scary stuff.

That hand holding thing works.

C'mon........let's go~~ I won't sqeeze too hard!

All my love,
Gabriela

THANK YOU, CHOPIN........

Today, I listened to Chopin.

On the way to work I listen to Chopin or some other genius that puts great thoughts in my mind.

I literally get so intoxicated listening to Chopin that I hate coming down, to go to work, or do anything other than what is brewing in my mind, creatively speaking.

It sets my day up, and on the way to work, I am so incredibly juiced up, so deep in thought, that I wish the drive were 4 hours long, and not half an hour.

I listen to music that keeps me on track. I have been listening to my CD that I have had forever, but until recent, it has somehow, made it's way to "the only CD" I listen to. It has catapulted me into a realm of great, great consciousness, that has led to major creativity, for my private projects, writings, and own indulgence in the great spirit that is so utterly profound and succulent.

God, where do all the hours go? I am wishing for more hours in the day, I really am!

It is amazing what music does. How it makes you feel, what it makes you create, or think, or conjure up. Seriously, I thank music for my most incredible moments. For making me stretch to the limit of my mind, for making me go beyond what my mediocre mind thinks, that when, I hear a great piece, I close my eyes, and fall into an abyss, of what, I cannot tell you. I know it to be the mystical , the unanswered, but too, the answered, the part where you really DO know, to be good, where all questions are answered, and every "small" thought that you had, is no longer, "SMALL", and you are in alignment with WHAT IS!

I am so high in that realization!

This started out as me sharing about Chopin.

Have you listened to Chopin?

Allow yourself, the grand opportunity!!

I thought tonight, "How can I possibly create something grand when there is no time??

But, then, the answer came Quickly.

TAP IN!

Take the moment and create something grand, something that will enable a healing somewhere, or, in you!

That is it! There is so much to say on this subject, I am on fire. But, for now, take it for what it is.

Right here with you,
G

LIFE IS DEFINETLY A CHOICE!

Today was so incredibly cool!

It wasn't that I did much, but it was so spontaneous, so filled with energy that I let free, because I could.

I am a natural multi tasker, but sometimes on my day off, like today, I woke up because my dogs bark in their oh so cute way, (not at 4 am mind you), to specifically tell me that they need to poop. It's true! I know, it's funny, but it is like living with someone for a long time. You know their every little move, why, and if their stomach is upset, if they've eaten something that isn't kosher....... I mean c'mon......... every one has habits, even animals.

So, yes, my one little buddy woke me up telling me, "It's time", so I mozied on down the stairs, one sleeve on, one sleeve off, but covered my butt, so that is all that matters. I used to walk around naked, until an intruder bestowed himself upon me one crazy evening, and he ruined my foot loose and fancy free lifestyle in my own home. Now, I have to be sure all of the blinds are either closed, or I am clothed, with the blinds open. Kinda sucks to be so edited in every corner of your life.

Anyway, I let my little buddy out, went upstairs, and crawled into bed. Shoot, now I am awake! I don't want to be awake on my day off. I stared out at the water, or no water, in the lake, checked out my dying flowers, whimpering in the wind, and said.............."OK, I'm awake".

I looked around my room. Had some great thoughts, because, hay, I'm awake now! This means allowance for the mind to start plotting and planning, right?

It's so funny, because you know, consciously that you are AWAKE, it is like an immediate MUST, that I think about SOMETHING that is supposed to be thought about. Like, OK, where am I today, what am I supposed to be doing, organizing, cleaning, taking care of...........yada yada.........

And today, it was so refreshing, I went back to bed, grabbed a book that I am trying to grasp, a good, good healing book, checked it out, so early, and thought....... awww, how great! I never do this, in bed, so early, and I just let the morning take on it's own color. I loved it!! I read some amazingly stimulating information. Maybe at some other point I would have been overwhelmed by the information, but since it was morning, and I was open, fresh, and not tainted with the days thoughts, I think it was a blessing, really, for me. I loved it!!

I rolled over and saw my best, best friend, lying there, and felt so privileged to be on the same turf.

My sacred, most beloved dog, Bello. I could write volumes on this "animal", and tell you how he has changed me as a person, and has given me the gift of expansion of thought. To open myself up to different realms of consciousness that would never be tread upon, not given the moment I found him with stickers all over him, hidden on Town Lake, with his brother, Tesoro, whom, I took both in, thinking I'd give them to a good home.

He is my main man, my Posse', my Paeson, my little old wise man, that literally tells me things, when we connect, eye, to eye.

Don't laugh! I kid you not, and I WILL write a book on the connection between humans/animals, I am THAT passionate about it. It runs deeper than the household pet, and is more beneficial than going to a doctor, or therapist, let's just put it that way, for now, until I do more research, but...........stay tuned............IT WILL BE GOOD!

It is existential! Extremely exquisite, beyond words.

So, not to get off on a tangent. He was part of my spontaneous morning. Allowing myself to connect to him, lay there, check out where my body was at. How does it feel? What needs attention?

Every day that I have off, I say to myself that I am going to get a massage, because my body screams, GET A MASSAGE!! Your body is not in alignment, and I feel confident that I will, and then the day starts, and there are a million other things to do. But, the good thing is, that I did respond to taking a quiet bath, with great minerals, candles, and healing incense burning throughout the house. It was so nice to wake up to that.

Fresh Italian coffee brewed, great smells, the dogs were all cozy and just cute as all get out, I didn't have to be anywhere............I was so damn excited!!!!

I took my little healing book in the tub, ran around like a little kid, like there was a treasure in the bathroom. I laugh now, thinking of myself. It was cute. My little self wanted some pure goods, and I found myself there, feeding my soul, the way it loves to be fed.

I got all excited. shoot, I'm excited now, just talking about it.

I'll have another bath please........... haha

I loved bathing in the knowing that I was consciously doing things to feed my soul. One, my leg is not the same since my accident, so I have to do physical therapy and anything else that will heal it.......(I don't want to limp for the rest of my life), so I have special minerals to help heal that, Epsom salts, we know that cures all, some good positive vibes, some good smelling candles, and incense that should wake the dead, what else do I need?

No, in all seriousness........... my bath was an awakening, in and of itself!! It is amazing what happens when you just say no to all of the robotic crap that "needs" to be done, and you just take care of yourself. Man, how great, and how I wish to have more of that time, not so obscure, harried, and few and far between, like scheduling a hair appointment. Ugh!!

My day unfolded so spontaneously, and with everything that unfolded, I loved ever bit of it!!

It's not that you are even doing things that are out of the ordinary. What is so special about it, is that you are MAKING A CHOICE to stay in a frame of mind that is moving you forward, not stuck, progressive, productive, inspired, self induced motivation!! God, I'm all about it!! If you can't find it easily, on the outside, you best muster up some good ol' somethin' or other inside, for yourself, that will catapult you to a different, more elevated place, that you can learn from, grow from, and too, when you get there, you can scream from the mountain tops that you frigin got there YOURSELF!!

LIFE IS DEFINITELY A CHOICE.

Look, I wake up, fall down, fall down again, and again, and again, and somehow, my spirit wants to live, high velocity........nothing mediocre, so I am calling in some good stuff. I think the "bad" stuff surfaces to get us to a deeper place.

I don't know, but what I do know is that we have choices...............CHOICES..........and we need to wake up to what those are. Let's do what we have to do, to elevate ourselves, make higher choices, and KICK ASS!! No matter what it is that we want. There is no reason why anything that we want, cannot be achieved!!!

I'M WITH YOU! Look, I have some extra gusto, and so, let me feed you with that energy, and when the next person is low, YOU CAN FEED THEM, and when you are low, maybe you will receive what you gave out............so is the beautiful domino of life, in flow, in center, in flow, with what is, and the incredible harmony that can, almost on it's own, guide you, and your interactions, to bring you to a peaceful, calm..........and........... to your dreams.........that are alive, and ready for you to believe, that, yes, they can, actually come true.

GO FOR IT. MAKE THE CHOICE............

I AM!!!

I'M SO EXCITED TO LIVE LIFE............THE WAY IT SHOULD BE LIVED. WITHOUT REGRET........FULL OF EXPRESSING, FULL OF LOVING, AND GIVING.

Sleep sound, let your desires rest in the forefront of your mind, see them clearly, and let them go, out into the Universe somewhere, and then, just trust......... everything will be ok, I promise!! I promise myself too, trust me. And I am way ok.......... even when I think I'm not......I am!

I love you and support you all the way, no matter what it is!!!

All of my heart felt love,
Gabriela

I SURPRISE MYSELF......

..........ya know, I talk about this and that, being quiet, subdued, walks, stars, lightning, thunderstorms, great music, meditation, peacefulness, dogs, and all other things that seem to be a main vein in my writings, that make my life work, in a great way.

But, nights like tonight, I crack myself up.

Yes, I am home, with all headings happening. Truly, no lie. But I also am oddly enough, participating in stuff I never thought I would. I mean, you hear me, with the jokes about IPhone, I this, I that, Face book, yada yada.

Well, my friends hooked me up to Face book on Christmas day.

I went over to their house, cooked some good Italian food, and while I was stirring in the kitchen, my friend and her daughters hooked me up........to Face book. I had no clue at the time, what the hell that even was.

Contrary to popular belief, I am, let me say that again, I am............Old Fashioned!! If there is anyone who disagrees, call 1-800 gaboldfashioned!

Trust me.

I am stone age in all senses, especially when it comes to technology. But because my friends want me to stay connected and not get lost in the woods, they hook me up, and now, it is so funny.

After Christmas, I logged on to Face book and was laughing to myself, like, "what the heck am I doing?"

But I was so excited that my little friends that were so pertinent in my life, when I was 6 or 7, and really, great figures, great influences, and just, really, great people, starting showing up.

My crush of all crushes showed up, and we emailed back and forth, and we shared stories about how we felt as young kids.

Then? It was like it is now. Everything a mystery, so huge and drawn out. It is so funny how things never change. Really, they don't!

Joe was the object of my affection for years and years. He made me my first BMX bike, we played tag football, went pool hopping, held hands walking in the neighborhood, ran through the smoke when the mosquito man came around, and talked about life, feelings, and just were the best buds ever. It lasted for years, and he was so cool to me. Not overtly male, and just enough softness to woo me, cuz, even then, don't laugh, it took alot to woo me. Things don't change much.

Anyway. He found me on Face book, or I did, I can't remember.

That was the beginning of me, on Christmas day, last year, trying out the "NEW STUFF", that everyone was talking about, and even then, I was probably outdated.

My friend was like, "Gabriela, You are going to LOVE FACEBOOK, and went on for 2 hours, probably. And me, of course, sat there, saying, "I hate this crap". All she kept saying was, "UUUHHHHH hhhuuuhhhhhh???" We'll see..............

Ok, ok, so you were right! *&#@$@%)(^%%#!!!!

Not only did I connect with Joe, but all of the precious friends that I hung out with. The people that made my childhood memorable. Memorable enough, to tell stories throughout my life, and, might I ad, very significant ones.

I am so proud of many instances of my childhood. Some are great, and I look back and say, "Wow, not many people experience that", and others ......well, are not so grand, but significant, nonetheless, and all, no matter the title, have made me who I am now. And who are responsible for my weekly therapy sessions......hahha...........well, kid you not. Just being honest! And that is not to sound freaky or jaded, just honest, cool, and honorable, to be able to acknowledge the past, and to want to heal. This is yet, another conversation to be had. One that I love.

Is that a good or bad? I think it is all good, that it ALL molds us to who we are today. I don't think, really, that it is a good or bad title. It just is what it is, and you make or mold your life to what feels good, and resonates good within your soul.

As of tonight, I recognize so many amazing people on Face book. My childhood! My great friends that made me laugh, made me cry, and got to see different sides of life, different upbringings, different view points, yet, there I was, at their kitchen table, even then, sitting so different, so on my own, strong, and confident about who I was.

No different than me sitting in the restaurant today, alone, at a table, doing my thing, and watching everyone around me. God, no difference at all. It's scary and cathartic, all at once!

Man, let me just continue this conversation, it is way too intense, too real, and lenghty, by all means, to go on, on and on, to be just a "blog".

I need more time to dig in.

Be open to new possibilities, new beginnings, and new ways of thinking. It will "behoove you".

Let me know.

I'm on fire tonight.

I am truly..........on fire.

This existence is a gamble!

It's sexy, if you can imagine............and just imagine that, without a judgement of what that means............

It is attainable, realistic, and anything you want is available, and right here to grasp.

We are lucky!!

We have the freedom of choice.

Don't act like spoiled children.

Be picky, and know what you want, and then go for it.

I am so right here.

God, I am so right here............... dive in ............... take the plunge............... seek who you are!!

Don't go the "status quo" route............... cuz I'll blow the whistle!!

Just be who you are............. and see how that works for you.

I'll be on the sidelines..

i love u,,
g

THE NIGHT IS POETIC........

outside.

I went down to get my mail, which is very far away, and a beautiful walk, for sure. I took one dog. She likes it when I don't take her on a leash. Loves the freedom. (not MY dog is it?). She meanders around, and that, in and of itself, is a sight to see, and I could just watch her, all of her animal instincts, and be in a state of wonderment for the rest of the evening. It's THAT pure!

Well, that happened anyway. That incredible wonderment. Why wouldn't it, on a night like tonight, when the wind is taking the lead, the stars bowed down to the wind, and felt they didn't need to be AS important, but little do they know, they go with any package, so, my eyes were just as fixated on them as they were with the wind and the lightning staring me in the face.

The smell of rain is in the air, the trees are blowing and the branches are telling stories already, and I haven't even begun to write.

We walked back up to the property and I decided to sit outside, on some different pieces of the property that look great, but I never actually sit there, to enjoy, and just relax. I always see it everyday, see it from the terrace above, or just acknowledge it, passing by, because it is such a sweet area, one devoted, boldly, to peace, devotion, and sacredness.

I layed on the hammock and took in the night. Looked around at my surroundings and just kicked back.

I couldn't help the mass thoughts that enveloped my moments. From staring at my huge statue of St. Francis, loving why I love him, as to why he is in my garden, with fixtures of love, reminders of Mom, Grandma, and just the peace and tranquility of all things innocent to me. Why wouldn't anyone love nature? It is innocence at it's best! There is nothing tainted about nature!

God, I could just disappear!

For a moment, I watched my dog, Surrender, sniff the statue of St. Francis, then lay down and put her head on his feet. She stayed there for a long time, and as I caught a glimpse. I just gazed, and gazed, and became aware of so many things.

I cannot seem to spill it all out tonight, but, it was a moment in time, one worth explaining. The epiphanies, the simpleness, the solid feeling of loving who you are in a single moment, and not wanting to venture anywhere else, knowing it would, then, be tainted, by some random thought, some "regular" kind of moment that will beckon your attention. I didn't want to move, for that reason alone!

I stayed out there for quite awhile. I sat under the biggest, most beautiful Oak tree, that has all of these interesting looking pods hanging from them. I felt as if I was in Louisiana. I remember so many things, about nature in Louisiana. How gorgeous, and too, poetic.

I guess, to me, all things can be poetic, but in these moments, it is a rare thought, just because of the grandeur, you think that nothing else can possibly compare.

How about for now, nothing else does? Because, after all, this is our moment in time, here, right now!

Not in 5 minutes or tomorrow, but RIGHT NOW!

It was getting late. Although I didn't want to go inside, I did, but the walk back up was unpredictably slow, and as if there was a strobe light, slowing me down, to take in every last drop of gorgeousness, before I got to the door.

I turned around, looked at St. Francis, looked at the Oak tree, and just went blank. Not for any other reason, but the naturalness of being so intoxicated by what REALLY IS, and not the boring old stories that play in our heads, moment, to moment, everyday, like an old tape recording of outdated stuff.

I came in, and acclimated to noise, animals, and the "regularity" of life, and felt myself come "down", so to speak, and here I sit.

It is a feat to stay so innocent, to see the beauty beyond the muck, and to choose to see what you want to see, rather than thinking you have no choice to think the thoughts that you want.

It sounds complicated, but it isn't, really.

Just acknowledge what you love, and expound on it every chance you get.

That sounds like something to end a story on.

I will go to bed in peace.

That is always a good set up for your next moment, or day......

Keep the Faith.

Love,
Gabriela

DEFLECTING UNWANTED ENERGY

I realize, at this point in my life, that you cannot escape to some peaceful mountain, to get away from it all, to get away from the negativity that seems to be surrounding us everywhere we turn. It sounds good, trust me. I fantasize about it all of the time. Is it real? Yes! Is it do-able? Well, if I want to become a recluse, (which has always been appealing,) or, do we go along with what is, learn how to relate, or not to relate, deal with things in conscious ways, or is it really something that we need to disengage from, so that we are not feeling that our hours and days are spent in that energy. Are they depleting us, making us resentful, angry, and wishing we were someplace other, than where we are, for the majority of our days?

I think there is a fine line, and a balance that needs to be fine tuned, almost to a T, if we don't want to swing from one polarity to another. Somehow, that middle way, works, if we can find the right formula, and stay sane in the meantime.

You know, I say to myself, quite often, that it would be easier to just go along, and not care so much, in the detail that I do, and to just go about my life, chillin' out, like everyone else does, in the way that they choose, and save some space in my brain, instead of seeing what REALLY....... IS.............., what REALLY IS happening, on a larger scale, and thinking, "Oh my God, I cannot pretend that isn't there, and just start flipping the channels, and eating my popcorn.

Hay, don't get me wrong, I love that........... there has been many a night where you just want to take a brain vacation and just do whatever. I'm all over that..............as I write, actually, but hay, this is a blog.......... gotta think, or just express, because of it's nature, and ........it's my blog.

Anyway, I take inventory quite often, of who is in my life, what energy is being emitted, and if it is worth keeping around. Is it conducive? Does it elevate me? Inspire me? Keep me in fear? Keep me in the status quo? Is it valuable? Does it promote good, or does it reinforce all negativity that we, unfortunately, breed naturally, all on our own?

Where do you spend most of your days? How many hours? Who do you work with? Are they an asset or a hindrance? Do you do belly flops and belly dances, rain dances and any other dance, to keep you in a mode that ONLY YOU will acknowledge as good, or uplifting? Are you being supported? Loved? Appreciated?

Those are major considerations for anyone who is left in a room with others for more than a small span of time.

Get the canvas out guys. Find those colors and start frigin painting. We are not victims of circumstance....................RIGHT? RIGHT? C'MON................. STAY WITH ME ON THIS ONE!!

We can have and be and do, anything that we want..............shoot............When I was 18 I knew I wanted to fly a plane. I thought, I'm not smart enough for that one.............

I was a chef in a Hungarian Restaurant at the time, and it was right across the street from an airport.
One day, I took my lunch and headed over to the airport and figured I'd just ask about lessons. Why not??

Long story short, they had beginners classes on How To Fly a Plane. Well ,
Where's the pencil,", I said, and signed right up. Took my whole darn pay check, but I did it. Signed right up and drove home goin, "Oh,, my God", I just joined a class to learn how to fly a god damn plane!!!!!"

AS IF!!

Well, so goes the story of my life. WHO SAID I CAN'T DO THAT??? And there I go proving some insane thing, that NO ONE WOULD EVER BELIEVE, and who cares??? Who are they anyway?

I took flight lessons, and flew my first plane at 18 years old.

It was the most exquisite experience of my life, then.

My point is this............

There was NO ONE IN MY LIFE, who believed that I could be or do, or achieve anything that I had my mind set on.

The funny thing is............EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE DESIRED, HAS COME TRUE.

Why? Because I believed it could, AGAINST MY OWN INSECURITIES AND FEARS.

Did it happen or not happen because of an opinion, or someone thinking you were not worth it, or valuable enough?

I step right over those people, with a huge amount of compassion, and see their insecurities that are so threatened by my courage and tenacity, and willingness to go beyond my own heavy duty fears, like anyone!

It doesn't mean it isn't hard work knowing that, seeing that, and experiencing that on a deep level.

I didn't continue my lessons only because it was too expensive for me at the time, and I was mothering 4 kids, then. Imagine that? No details now, but I'm sure at some point, there will be.
Stay tuned, I guess, huh?

DO NOT LET ANY ONES OPINION SWAY YOU, OR MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR, OR INTIMIDATE YOU, to where you feel paralyzed and insecure, because of their shortcomings or insecurities.

If you plan on living your life according to others opinions, there is a crazy house I can recommend you to, that doesn't have bad accommodations, and probably more pills than you want to ingest. Reality check. Not mine, but a ton of others, who share their experiences. Nothing different than what you see in the movies.

PUT ON YOUR CAPE. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT?

ARE YOU IN GOOD ENERGY OR BAD ENERGY?

IS IT ELEVATING YOU, OR DEPLETING YOU?

IS IT SUPPORTIVE OR DEGRADING?

SERIOUSLY, LOOK AT YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE AND NAIL IT DOWN.

I want what is best for me, and for you. I don't want any of you to compromise, just like I don't want to buy into some messed up jargon, that makes you believe, for an hour or two, that you are worth something, and then you get kicked down with nasty talk, or demeaning words, or the inferiority syndrome that people want to bestow onto you, because, they, themselves, are feeling more f...........up..............than what they are dishing out to you.

I don't want to get too, too, psychological, but, you almost have to, if you are to swim in good waters, that will ward off any kind of yukkiness that you don't want surrounding you, not for one flat second.

Look at your energy field. Do a 360, slowly, and look at WHO, WHAT, AND WHERE.

Is it right on? Sweet, supportive?

Make your list.

YOU DESERVE NOTHING OTHER THAN WHAT IS..........EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AND LOVE, FROM THE PUREST PART OF YOUR SOUL.

Make your check list, and if it doesn't meet up to par, than start making a plan, as to what IS, and get a move on.

I'm right here, supporting you, against any, and all odds................YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN...............ANYTHING!!! TRUST ME!!

I love you all so much. LETS DO THIS TOGETHER!!

Make sure you are being respected, in this whole process. Inwardly and outwardly.

More soon.

Sleep in you own purity.

Love always,
Gabriela

ACCEPTING WHAT IS..........

I know there are a ton of things that happen on a regular basis, from small things to huge mountainous things, that we look at and go, "You know what, I'd rather not have this thing here".

I'm sure you can relate, in daily life, or those monumental things that affect you, like losing a love, or going through a big change, or death, or whatever your scenario is.

I can pick innumerable things that have transpired in the last 2 years, that have been out of my control, that have forced me to ACCEPT WHAT IS, and to move on, with a strong perseverance, to grab a hold of what it is that is happening, look for the goods in it, and try to be positive with the gifts that were given. You sort of chalk it up to, "This is life", kinda thing.

That doesn't mean it is going to be easy. As a matter of fact, I'd like to trade this deck of cards in by now, they ain't doin' me any good, ya know?

True gamblers would have kicked me out of the casino a long, long time ago. Even now, they'd go, "Ok, move on, get outa that game, and start bettin' on this one. One or two strikes on that table, and they'd hoist me over to Roulette, telling me do or die, or something of that nature. Anything other than the cards I've been playing. Ok, so I'm a novice at gambling.

The only thing I have ever gambled with, was love.

Call me a sap, go ahead. If I feel something, I go for it, put myself out there, and throw my hands up in the air. In the end, I guess I can say that I never held myself back. No one out there, whoever it may be, goes around with a question about how Gabriela feels about them, that is for sure. You either get it or you don't. And if you don't, it's because you are not listening!

The heart on the sleeve thing..........I may have to rethink that old adage as I put my head to rest tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up wanting to plunge through life a little more reserved, held in, more conservative................

I am not too sure what that means to exist in that realm, but who knows? Maybe I'll like it?!
Hay, where is my icon that rolls the eyes? I don't see one! Damn!

Where is your life? Is it exactly the way you want it? Who is in it? Are they conducive to what you see yourself being around? Where do you work? Are you happy there? What do you do in your spare time? Do you like what you see there?

What does the canvas look like? Are you accepting what is.............and trying to paint? Are you painting and allowing? Are we blocking what could be, in fear that we won't succeed? Why doesn't our life look like our canvas? What things do we need to take responsibility for, in order to be more in alignment to who we are and what we want to attract? How do we put the pieces to this puzzle together more? Read? Take more time alone? Get a CD and a book and start highlighting? What?

Why don't we have the things that we want? We certainly can accept what is, but I think we still can create what we ultimately want, even if it looks like it's against all odds.

Hay, I'm in this learning process. As a matter of fact, you should know by now, I am never, ever exempt!

Let's do some homework and maybe soon, our canvas will have some bright colors on it, sketching more of the picture we want, rather than trying to erase the mistakes that we started to paint, but then got a clue, and went to buy darker colors to do some last minute cover up.

ACCEPT WHAT IS IN YOUR LIFE, AND LEARN FROM IT!

It is a Masters Program, for sure. Buckle up!

One thing I do know for sure, is at some point, we do get to laugh............and somehow, our view changes. We've all been there.

I hope you go to sleep thinking of your perfect canvas, and get to gettin' with what it takes to paint such a beautiful picture, and actually hang it up, knowing it matches everything that truly IS GOING ON IN YOUR WORLD.

I wish all the best for you, as I do myself.

Let's go............. run to the store for more vibrant colors..............get every color possible and paint the town red............... RED EQUALS PASSION....................MAKE YOUR CANVAS YOUR PASSION.

Goodnight.
Sweet dreams.
Gabriela

THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE!!!!

Today is my Mothers birthday! It is a day that was always celebrated internally, for me, since we were always far away in miles.

Two years ago, I sent her flowers from here, to the hospital, where she went in for surgery. It was a simple, funny card, I sent, with the flowers.

My jokes always made her laugh in the midst of crazy happenings.

She was so nervous about going in for her surgery. It was bladder surgery.

My card wrote: Happy Birthday, You are the best Mom anyone could ever have. Gall Bladder, or no Gall bladder. Happy Birthday Mom, I love you......... Joan Of Arc.....aka.......Joni

Long story with the names......and I am sure at some point you will know why, but for now..........

Today is her birthday. You truly never know when it is someones time! I sure wasn't ready for that, in any way shape or form!!!

Mom didn't make it out of the hospital after her surgery. A lot of complications happened, and so it was a huge moment in all of our evolutions, to gear up, and to try to prepare, in a short amount of time, for death, and how it all pertained to us as brothers and sisters, to mother and son, or mother and daughter, or just a whole family!

I could write and write, about an amazing woman, her life, her journey, and all of the happenings.
But what I want to say is.......... how incredible she was, and is, in my heart!!

She taught me so much about life, simple life, love, and how to be grateful for each and every moment...........to give and give and give until you can't give anymore, because it is what fills the soul............. to share your soul, to express yourself even when it hurts, because you will free your spirit and heal all things in your sharings! People look down upon wearing your heart on your sleeve, and that is what everyone said about my mother. "She wears her heart on her sleeve, is what her problem was"! And I never saw it as a problem, but an asset to her being, her beautiful, beautiful being!!

Sometimes I want to say, Wow, I got those genes for sure, and yes, it does hurt to wear your heart on your sleeve, but it is freeing. Doesn't mean it won't hurt, but in essence, it is much better, I think, to release all that is felt, rather than piling it up inside, to become some disease waiting to happen.

Today, I feel so grateful for my existence. Without Mom, of course, where would I be?

She raised 5 kids by herself. And I complain about 5 dogs and a cat? We all turned out pretty damn good. We are all good people, genuine, and have great hearts. That is her!

She had a great sense of humor, and I do have to say, my brothers and sister make me laugh like no one else. It's an Italian, timing thing. They all make me boil down in laughter. Funny as all get out, each and every one.

We all laugh like Mom, from our guts, and it is hearty and worth knowing what we are laughing at.

Her cooking was impeccable. We all learned the fine essence of cooking exquisite Italian food. I get jealous when I know my brother is cooking a huge pot of sauce on a Sunday, with meatballs, sausage and eggplant Parmesan, ready to watch football with his buddies. He starts it early and invites everyone over, and whoever doesn't show, he shows up on their doorstep with a pan of eggplant parm, leaves it there, for when we get home. That is what I am talkin' about!

Or my other brother cooking Broccoli Rabbi and sending out Tupperware of it to everyone. We all pass around food like it is a drug, or a gift, or something to bestow on someone you care about. It actually is the greatest endearing thing we, as Italians can do, for someone, especially if they have been good to us. Hay, they were good to us? Whadawe got to feed them? Sausage peppers and onions? Pasta? Soup? Something, because I am sure we cooked off whatever was in our frig, and came up with some dynamic recipe, out of our heads, and are ready and willing to give it away, without even having any ourselves.

Food does equal love, and I am not going to feel bad, guilty or anything else over that. It is a cultured, traditional, love making that we, and I, will hopefully, and undoubtedly, never lose.

MOM!

THAT WAS HER.

My heart melts!!

When I was so small, and she was working 3 jobs, I would come home from school and she would call me from work, and instruct me on how to cook dinner for the rest of the family until she got home.

We're not talkin' peanut butter and jelly guys. We are talkin' Veal Marsala, Chicken Parmesan, Linguine and Clams, Cow's Tongue, basic Marinara Sauce, that she was so critical about. It's not just sauce out of a can. I stood on my stool at 6 years old, on the phone with her while she was selling real estate, and she would tell me how to peel the garlic, how to saute it with extra virgin olive oil, how to precisely chop the parsley, and every last thing, down to the bone, until after several times, I would say, "MA..........I got it............I got it.............. the garlic is already browning". She would laugh, and say, "OK". Long stories to all of this. So intimate, so incredibly beautiful, and sacred.

She is with me every single night I am in this kitchen, cooking. Except when I cooked Mexican or Indian, she could care less. She said it made her have gas. I'd laugh every time!! WE both would giggle and giggle! God.............I love that woman!!!!

What I would do to have her here now. A cool friend, objective, intuitive, smart, psychologically privy, funny as hell, emotional, creative, talented artist, poet, spiritual, esoteric, believed in the beyond, and a lover, lover, lover of life and her 5 beautiful children that she lived her life for.

Tonight, I say THANK YOU MOM, for you everlasting perseverance, your love for us, beyond measure, and for your love for God, that ran ramped, throughout your life, and is what sustained you, and your willingness to live, as much as you did.

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART, AND LOOK UP AT THE STARS EVERY NIGHT, HOPING TO SEE YOU, IN SOME SMALL CLOUD, OR RAY..................just enough to let you know I am always with you, thinking of you, and thanking you for my very existence.

Happy Birthday!

YOU ARE LOVED NOW,
AND
ALWAYS.

YOUR
JOAN OF ARC

THE GOLDEN RULE..................

NEVER ASSUME!

Those two words get you in trouble every time.

This is such a long and intricate subject.

It goes so far beyond what we can comprehend.

I don't think any of us really realize how much we truly do assume so many things in our lives. Assume how you think someone elses mood is, what is going on with them, assume that someone is just a plain ass, or assume that you know where someone is at, assume you know how someone is feeling, why, and all of the details that come along with it. And trust me, if you are a detailed mind, you will conjure.

IT IS ALL MADE UP!

At least we should know that we have no business making up someone elses mind for us. Until you know, for sure, what the person has said, verbatim, than you should just keep your little thoughts to yourself, as YOUR THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS, and probably should not blurt out some half truth, that may or may not be, the truth, of..............someone else!

No crystal balls, no .......well...........but I thought............ and it seemed like...............NO!

Until you hear something solid, and someone tells you, "Hay, this is my Truth", and you say, "Oh, Great"............ you cannot speak for someone else with any kind of conviction.

You can't! You might as well sit at your psychic table, with crystal ball in hand, with a masters degree in clairvoyance, before you blurt out some Truth that you think is real. Honestly! Don't ruin your connections by thinking you know something that isn't true.

Learning is a hard curve. It can hurt like hell!

Don't assume you know where anyone is at. Truly........ let people tell you where they are. Don't think that you know something. It truly is a curse. And, I certainly don't want someone to think that they know where I am at. It happens all the time, and I look and say, "Wow, they have no idea who I am", and mosie on along with my life, figuring that this is the way life is, people and their whimsical assumptions.

I don't want to be that person. We all make mistakes and hopefully, if we do assume something about someone, and it turns out to NOT be true, we will be eat humble pie, and hopefully be forgiven, and visa verse.

It is a large chunk of what happens in our society............in a huge way!!

Right now, I hope to see all of the instances that I assume something about someone, take responsibility for it, and get in check about why I am assuming. Is it for me? Is it for me to be validated in some way? What is it? I want to ask myself, always. I might take a big gulp or two, in the process......but hay............. just get me some answers please. I do want to learn, and I've eatin humble pie a million other times, I should be fat by now. Gimme the pie.............. again! Ugh!

I really don't want to even have a thought about someone. He's this or she's that............ with no back round on them....just blanket statements out of the air, for what reason, I don't know. Again. validation? What is it?

I am checking all resources on my end, making sure to check myself out, if it isn't too late, to mend any thoughts, or judgements, or preconceived notions about anyone, or any thing.

I just don't want it!

Do you?

Do we want to get put into a box? I know I don't.

Whoever you have a thought about, no matter what it is, take it back. retract, and mend.

Take responsibility for your own minds thoughts, and where they take you. No one else can be to blame for what is in your tiny "little", HUGE, head, but you.

Assuming makes an ASS (out of) U ME!

No bueno!

Just food for thought for us!

Love to you guys,

We are on this journey together. Let's just keep our hearts pure, and do our homework. All we can do is TRY.

Can't go wrong there!

xoxo

A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT VIEW

I am sure, what I am about to write, won't even skim the surface of what transpired, today, or any other day that cameras and people are involved.

Ya know, you are your own individual, going about life, doing your own thing, working your stuff out, figuring your life's plan, getting over hurts, pondering your life, trying to stay afloat with what life offers, and what you have chosen, thus far, and to keep healthy in it all, you sit back and go, WOW........ OK, this is my life, these were/are my choices, and now...........what??

You come down your stairs to people, and cameras and all of a sudden, you are the subject of someone else's work, someone else's passion, someones actual work day.

No longer are you that person, but a subject, on the outside, of course, and then there you are, listening to directions to go beyond thought, to manage a good shot, or take, and you find yourself all alone, in your regular everyday life, inside, just posing, or smiling, to a direction.

Inside, there are a ton of things happening, and you are deep in to a place that no one can hear, smell, taste or touch. It is yours, and yours alone. In their direction, you latch onto your your own private thoughts and reality, and surely, it will surface in those images. I guess, we will see.

It was the wildest feeling today, being subject to someone else's art, and you, being the subject. They see things about you, want this and that, and they are passionate because somehow you are making their work, or passion come to life. That, in and of itself, was so amazingly eye opening, and an odd sense of responsibility to make something happen, for them. That all gets lost in the motion of things.

I was quiet most of the time, but in total awe of every aspect of the day. From the spontaneity of it, to the guests that were warmly welcomed into my home, to watching them set up cameras and tri-pods, and watching them sizzle with ideas, and hearing their little sighs of perfection, to seeing the intricacy of lighting, and the grandeur of each and every single moment that is important to the exact image they wanted.

Hails of praise, moans of excellence, accolades for the beauty of timing, and the perfect shot.......really, all of it.

The music I chose to help me feel "at home, in my home", took me to a place that only really happens in my alone time. I was surprised to feel so comfortable, given the circumstances.

My one friend, who is so precious to me, who is one of the photographers, was and always is, such a joy to be around. Her innocence and passion for her work is undeniable, and it was actually incredibly stimulating to watch her, so excited, like a kid in a candy store, to capture the right lighting, to snap the right shot, or to have such an exact feeling of being done with a series of photos, as I do, when I sail to the last line of a poem, and know, it was just meant to be there, no questions asked.

That, to me, is art, and without a doubt, incredibly satiating!

You know when "you " have completed something, intuitively. It just warrants the period, or exclamation point at the end of the sentence. You drop your pen and feel that you have completed something whole hearted.

You have captured the essence of a gift that was sent to you via........call it what you want.
Dancers, writers, painters, composers................no need to explain to me where or why or how your art arises...............I get it.

You are the vehicle for something great, and somehow, you were picked to represent that art.
To show it off the best way that you can. GO FOR IT............ wrap me up and take me home.
I'm all over it!!!

Man, I am just so amazed tonight, at ART..........THE BEAUTY OF ART, THE BEAUTY OF A DIFFERENT VIEW.

I am so humbled at the fact that I had the opportunity to watch, to acknowledge fine art at it's best, and I got to be the subject, to convey what THEIR EYES SEE.

Hours went by, and I started to get tired, but thought, given enough time, this could be genius.......... art from one perspective, art from another perspective............collaborating.......... I AM IN MY ELEMENT. A fire started, images churned within, and soon, the feeling of home surrounded me. Not MY home, but the familiar feeling of capturing life, human life, and it's colorful moments, it's raw moments, it's vulnerable moments, it's scary, edgy, and lost moments.
I feel, I have much to offer in this arena, and has been the focus of my extra moments, since I was as little as could be. Film, art, expression. How ever will that be articulated, and acknowledged?

All of it gets captured, in a frame, or two, or 1700.00

I will remember all 1700. And if you show me each and every frame, I will tell you what I was thinking, and why. As to what it conveys in form, is the art, the excellence in art. Will it show, just where I was, or is that art, too, where, the perceived is allowed to think what they wish, and the artist stands in the background saying, " How great, that analogy, but man, they should have only known where I was in that exact moment".

I have a feeling, that today, no one, will ever know, exactly where I was, and that is OK. I love that Private Idaho place. It soothes me.

People get away with murder, reading what writers share about. They somehow get off the hook with the writer sharing exactly how they feel, so you have no work to do, just believe the writer, or not, gel with it, or not.

With photography, as sculpting, or painting, and many other modalities, you have to put your thinking cap on, to guess where the hell they were, what the hell they were thinking, and how that could possibly pertain to you, in your everyday world, OR, guess where the heck they are coming from so that you can get a grip on what or where, they were, at the time of their birth....... their artists birth.

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE ART.

This is such a long, PASSIONATE SUBJECT..........SO INTRICATE, SO SEXY, SO UNBELIEVABLY WORTH TAKING MAJOR AMOUNTS OF TIME TO DISSECT AND TO WRITE ABOUT............... IT'S GOT ME ON FIRE, TO SHARE THE MOST INCREDIBLE LIFE, WITH A .........................SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT VIEW.

I told you, this will not even touch, the enormity of this subject...........so leave it to me, to just finish my book and to pour out all of my passions on pages that were never written upon, and let those virgin pages scream out the extreme passion that resonates within an artistic mind. I don't want to even say "artistic" mind, but a mind that wants to cover itself up, wrap itself in pure, pure leaves, and allow itself to grow, organically, in a garden that that has no other objective, than to be................a GARDEN............... to reproduce organic matter.............. to the Gardener.... that wants to harvest pristine goods.

The Gardener Always Knows................. from a SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT VIEW.

~

TAKING ON HEALING..........

I think everyone is pure in their heart when they say they want to HEAL.

Shoot, I know I am. I am just not sure how that will show up, and what it all involves, and what subjects. I mean, we have so many things to work on, and sometimes, it seems as if all comes tumbling down at once, at least for me anyway.

Some things, share a main vein, some things are in their own category, and then some just show up like a surprise, and you wonder, what in the hell is this here for?

Is it really just one big continuation of a learning curve, and many more curves after that? I think so. I really don' t think this process ends, and so, we, I, better get good with the process, otherwise, we will be stuck in a state of bewilderment, as to the why's and how's of all of this.

I see why artists are artists! There is the reality of life, and then, at some point, you just say, OK, this is what is happening on THIS level, and yes, it is important, and relevant, and this should be looked at and worked out, but then there is the level of...........IS THIS REALLY IMPORTANT?

You certainly cannot escape the reality of WHAT IS, in your present world, but when you look at the schematics, you see, hmmmmmm, this isn't really any different than how it was years ago, or lifetimes ago.

I don't wanna lose you in esoteric-ville, just stating that there is a higher consciousness to get good with, without negating what is happening here, in regular everyday life.

It could be easy to escape, all of things that show up for us, and really, could be deemed a huge pain in the ass..........and I truly mean that. Enough of working on how that pertains to my childhood, to my past, to my mother, my abandonment, my this, my that.

I know it, in my heart, to be so, so true, the correlation, and yet, sometimes, you just want to say, "God, can we please just kick back and chill out for awhile?"

All the why's and how's........... I love it like a second home, but I also know, I have a first home that I can retreat to, when I want. Ahh, the luxury!

It is a huge undertaking, to want to take responsibility for our thoughts, our actions, and what we put out in the world. In fact, in can be extremely overwhelming, to watch ourselves, in the way that we relate to people in our worlds, and what that all means, for us to feel good, and secure and healthy. If that doesn't seem to meet up to snuff, than we better take inventory on why, and how it even got there to begin with.

I want to say, to do this without a judgement, but I also know how incredibly difficult it can be when we judge ourselves, and what we think we should have done, or not have done.

Does that make sense?

I know I don't want to judge myself, but I also know, that I am just like anyone, who tries and tries to be on the right side of the track, and then BOOM, something happens and you take 10 steps back, and you may have done something that is so completely out of character, and you find yourself cleaning up a mess that never should have never
been there from the beginning.

Does that sound familiar?

Look, we are all human. We make mistakes, right?

Why should we hammer ourselves into the ground for doing what we though might be the right move?

Asking for HEALING, is such a huge undertaking. It sneaks up on us as soon as we silently ask to heal this or heal that. We have to become privy to it, and all of it's fancy colors, how it presents itself, and how we can use it to our advantage, to change, not make the same mistakes, and to move foreword with new ideas, and a letting go of old ideas, that just don't work anymore.

Touche' for attempting to heal. Touche' for embarking on a journey that truly, guys, is not easy. I can attest to that.

But, I want to heal.

Do you?

Maybe you don't think you have to heal from anything. Maybe you don't. Maybe you should take a peak at your thoughts, when you settle down, and wonder, why is this, or why is that?

Healing doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. It means you respect yourself enough to take a look at a few things to feel cozy in your soul, genuinely. So that there is no stone unturned.

It means loving yourself enough to get past what you think is screwed up, and to be open to a new idea.

I think I just gave myself an epiphany that I wasn't ready for.

Maybe by tomorrow, I will be.

Consciousness isn't YOU my friend, or ME, for that matter...............it is a STATE OF BEING, that we get to, when we just say NO, to the crazy voices that tell us anything other that what we truly know ourselves to be, outside of this crazy, crazy world of thoughts, doing, going, and "trying to be".

I am so humbled tonight, by the workings of this personality, how it shows up, and how, I continue to uncover the many facets of the why's and how's, and continue to be OK, to allow, and to find some ray of compassion, within it all.

Hold my hand,
as I hold yours,
Gabriela