THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE!!!!

Today is my Mothers birthday! It is a day that was always celebrated internally, for me, since we were always far away in miles.

Two years ago, I sent her flowers from here, to the hospital, where she went in for surgery. It was a simple, funny card, I sent, with the flowers.

My jokes always made her laugh in the midst of crazy happenings.

She was so nervous about going in for her surgery. It was bladder surgery.

My card wrote: Happy Birthday, You are the best Mom anyone could ever have. Gall Bladder, or no Gall bladder. Happy Birthday Mom, I love you......... Joan Of Arc.....aka.......Joni

Long story with the names......and I am sure at some point you will know why, but for now..........

Today is her birthday. You truly never know when it is someones time! I sure wasn't ready for that, in any way shape or form!!!

Mom didn't make it out of the hospital after her surgery. A lot of complications happened, and so it was a huge moment in all of our evolutions, to gear up, and to try to prepare, in a short amount of time, for death, and how it all pertained to us as brothers and sisters, to mother and son, or mother and daughter, or just a whole family!

I could write and write, about an amazing woman, her life, her journey, and all of the happenings.
But what I want to say is.......... how incredible she was, and is, in my heart!!

She taught me so much about life, simple life, love, and how to be grateful for each and every moment...........to give and give and give until you can't give anymore, because it is what fills the soul............. to share your soul, to express yourself even when it hurts, because you will free your spirit and heal all things in your sharings! People look down upon wearing your heart on your sleeve, and that is what everyone said about my mother. "She wears her heart on her sleeve, is what her problem was"! And I never saw it as a problem, but an asset to her being, her beautiful, beautiful being!!

Sometimes I want to say, Wow, I got those genes for sure, and yes, it does hurt to wear your heart on your sleeve, but it is freeing. Doesn't mean it won't hurt, but in essence, it is much better, I think, to release all that is felt, rather than piling it up inside, to become some disease waiting to happen.

Today, I feel so grateful for my existence. Without Mom, of course, where would I be?

She raised 5 kids by herself. And I complain about 5 dogs and a cat? We all turned out pretty damn good. We are all good people, genuine, and have great hearts. That is her!

She had a great sense of humor, and I do have to say, my brothers and sister make me laugh like no one else. It's an Italian, timing thing. They all make me boil down in laughter. Funny as all get out, each and every one.

We all laugh like Mom, from our guts, and it is hearty and worth knowing what we are laughing at.

Her cooking was impeccable. We all learned the fine essence of cooking exquisite Italian food. I get jealous when I know my brother is cooking a huge pot of sauce on a Sunday, with meatballs, sausage and eggplant Parmesan, ready to watch football with his buddies. He starts it early and invites everyone over, and whoever doesn't show, he shows up on their doorstep with a pan of eggplant parm, leaves it there, for when we get home. That is what I am talkin' about!

Or my other brother cooking Broccoli Rabbi and sending out Tupperware of it to everyone. We all pass around food like it is a drug, or a gift, or something to bestow on someone you care about. It actually is the greatest endearing thing we, as Italians can do, for someone, especially if they have been good to us. Hay, they were good to us? Whadawe got to feed them? Sausage peppers and onions? Pasta? Soup? Something, because I am sure we cooked off whatever was in our frig, and came up with some dynamic recipe, out of our heads, and are ready and willing to give it away, without even having any ourselves.

Food does equal love, and I am not going to feel bad, guilty or anything else over that. It is a cultured, traditional, love making that we, and I, will hopefully, and undoubtedly, never lose.

MOM!

THAT WAS HER.

My heart melts!!

When I was so small, and she was working 3 jobs, I would come home from school and she would call me from work, and instruct me on how to cook dinner for the rest of the family until she got home.

We're not talkin' peanut butter and jelly guys. We are talkin' Veal Marsala, Chicken Parmesan, Linguine and Clams, Cow's Tongue, basic Marinara Sauce, that she was so critical about. It's not just sauce out of a can. I stood on my stool at 6 years old, on the phone with her while she was selling real estate, and she would tell me how to peel the garlic, how to saute it with extra virgin olive oil, how to precisely chop the parsley, and every last thing, down to the bone, until after several times, I would say, "MA..........I got it............I got it.............. the garlic is already browning". She would laugh, and say, "OK". Long stories to all of this. So intimate, so incredibly beautiful, and sacred.

She is with me every single night I am in this kitchen, cooking. Except when I cooked Mexican or Indian, she could care less. She said it made her have gas. I'd laugh every time!! WE both would giggle and giggle! God.............I love that woman!!!!

What I would do to have her here now. A cool friend, objective, intuitive, smart, psychologically privy, funny as hell, emotional, creative, talented artist, poet, spiritual, esoteric, believed in the beyond, and a lover, lover, lover of life and her 5 beautiful children that she lived her life for.

Tonight, I say THANK YOU MOM, for you everlasting perseverance, your love for us, beyond measure, and for your love for God, that ran ramped, throughout your life, and is what sustained you, and your willingness to live, as much as you did.

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART, AND LOOK UP AT THE STARS EVERY NIGHT, HOPING TO SEE YOU, IN SOME SMALL CLOUD, OR RAY..................just enough to let you know I am always with you, thinking of you, and thanking you for my very existence.

Happy Birthday!

YOU ARE LOVED NOW,
AND
ALWAYS.

YOUR
JOAN OF ARC