SOME PEOPLE WON'T GET IT..........

on days like today.

This morning when I woke up, I started to just hang out in bed, rest a bit, awake, checking things out, actually breathing, without having to rush or get up, and then, my days agenda started creeping in, and I thought, YEA, COOL, I'm making a huge pot of sauce, with sausage, meatballs, some pork, (because that does make the sauce), and lasagna, and probably, since that is all going, I might as well make some Baked Rigatoni, since all of the ingredients are here, and I have a huge gargantuan block of fresh Mozzarella, and all else to finish off the dish, what the hey..........I'm there!

I am practicing, once again, not rushing into the day, so I did some things around the house, and it was so ritualistic, I love it! I really do love my space, to myself, to do whatever I want, and have space to think, to do, and go, as I wish.

It's been so long, I crave it, and can't seem to get enough of it.

Anyway, I cuddled with the dogs, took all of them out for walks since the weather is getting nicer, and totally cherished the day, the nature, and my 2 and a half hour walks, that seemed like 5 minutes.

God, no phones, no anything, just sheer pleasure in being outside, in nature, walking the dogs near the goats, the donkey's and horses............it is so amazingly sweet, so innocent, so............ unexplainable........... the interactions, the amount of intuitiveness, the clarity that comes with observing animals in their natural environment.

It kills me to keep them on leashes!

We wound up walking down a side road, with just trees and flowers, surprised not dead from the extreme heat, and like a post card, the light came forth so bright, onto the branches, and then out of nowhere, came a deer. Tippie, my baby, stood so tall, his tail so erect, and didn't utter a sound, which is so unusual. He stopped in place, but was excited, and I stopped, in complete awe, ad I always do, when I see something that amazing, and innocent. We both stopped in our tracks.

For millions of reasons, tears came down my face. It's always a moment in time that will never run dry.

You stand there with something as magnificent as that...........and you wonder so many things! Why this and why that, and how come we aren't a part of that existence, every day? Every moment?

It brings to me, the epitome of innocence, the epitome of realness, the naturalness of how we all need to be.

The moments standing there are so juiced up with a high that can only be given through some intravenous love potion that we cannot put words to.

I am experiencing that in so many different ways, at different times, with different situations, and am wondering, why the heck am I compromising?

That is a huge subject that needs to be uncovered.

Nonetheless, I took all of the dogs for walks, had an amazing morning, and headed out to the store to buy my goodies for my Italian feast.

I came home and started very early, with all fresh ingredients, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, what a turn on, to have all incredibly fresh ingredients, for your homemade dinner.

Like I said, "some people won't get it". Not just the food thing, but the whole experience with cooking, and how intoxicating it is, and how beautiful, so innate, so traditional, so weaved into culture, history, and family.

It is orgasmic, on a very high level, and then, to be able to share that with someone, or lots of people is really, just crazy icing on the cake, not even icing, that is small talk, but to make food, that you are so in love with, making it with so much love, and geez, What the hell am I going to do with all of this food?

It is ritual, it is tradition, history, again............

I am never at a loss for people who want this food. I actually was cooking for someone who has done me mucho favors, and it is my way of saying Thank you, and when I started thinking about it, I thought, hay, at this point and time, I better go find much pans for mucho people, who are amazing to me, who have been there for me, and who have been my rock, throughout these last months.

I know I don't always have to give, because someone gave to me, but every once in awhile, it is my utmost pleasure, to give in a way, that I can. Some give gift cards, some give this or that.

I completely disappear into cooking, and it becomes such an experience that if you are a recipient, than you will sure get my heart, on a plate.

It is core stuff. My heart and love are there, with gratitude and appreciation.

To some, this may sound so corny, so over the top, but when you are passionate about something, and it resonates from your soul, it feels like something to you, and it does to me.

My family gets it. Anything I am saying, they will go, "Well, YEA???" Well, yea, to US, but to anyone else it is just........ ahh, you don't need to do that. C'mon! One, we are Italian, leave it at that, and two, we are Italian, leave it at that too! hahahah And three...........don't ask anymore questions, just take the frigin food and run, end of story!

So, the day was intoxicating, cooking listening to great music, and doing my normal everyday things that need to be done, but in such a state of question, such mystery, such introspection, but light, very light, and god, I think I just cherish aloneness, and what it brings. No matter the feeling, it gets down to the bones of what is really happening on a real level, good enough for you to sort through and get to good on where you are at, and how you will move from that spot to the next exciting spot that you have your eye set on.

I am in love with life! Even in all of it's craziness, it's upsets, and fearful moments. Although, at times it may seem daunting, it really is exquisite, given some objectivity, and some love from a core place.

Today was that. It was all stirred up, but rested in a good place, knowing that all is well.

So long as I stay in a solid form of gratitude, I will be good. In any other place, just keeps me thinking and whirling on that god forsaken "rat on a wheel" syndrome. God, please don't let me succumb to the rat on the wheel.

Stay innocent, stay in whatever realm seems real, conducive, and mostly............you!!

From there, you will love, with the most expanded heart, the most gratitude, and know matter what, you will learn what you need to learn, in whatever fashion..........you'll still be heading toward a most fascinating light that will shine, and show you who you are, in every facet, and you will gleam with the knowing that you did all that you wanted, when you wanted, because you loved, and loved fully, even if it was cooking a plate of pasta. You were full, in it!!!

BE FULL IN ALL THAT YOU DO, AND SHARE LOVE WITH A HEART THAT CAN NEVER BREAK!

Go..................go now, and share that amazing heart in whatever way you know...............

It's a given................. we are together, even if we don't see it..............feel it............share it............and run with it........................ so something with it!!!!

It start here, then, world wide.....................my dreams aren't small guys..................

They will never be small!!

Goodnight, and know that I love you!

~